For a number of days now I have been mulling over words in my head... what to say about Kerry, his life and the tragic way he left us. I have gone through disbelief and denial, deep sadness and anger as I struggle to understand what happened to my friend and athlete.For 3 years Kerry attended every training camp I organized in Penticton, Tucson, Calgary and Victoria. It didnt matter where or when, Kerry would make it a priority and Kerry would be there. We spoke on the phone every week or two about his training mostly, but sometimes about how he was feeling, his worries about his job stability and how to deal with the negative voices that we all hear sometimes when we set our sights on big goals like Ironman.
In 2009, Kerry had a breakthrough year in which he PBed in almost every race. He improved his half ironman time and finished Ironman Canada in 16h17.
Here is Kerry on the run course in Penticton 2009. Neither of us ever doubted that he would finish that race, though it was very hard for him. He had 3 punctures and I know it was a mental battle to run (and not walk) the marathon.Kerry was an inspiration to many in the triathon commmunity. During his journey, he lost over 150 lbs. He always worked extraodinarily hard in training, to the point that i had to slow him down sometimes to make sure he did his base training properly! Kerry laughed easily and heartily, and had that special quality of being able to laugh at himself. He also loved his wife Sharon deeply. I remember one time at a camp, I caught Kerry pouting a little bit by himself and asked him what was wrong; "I miss Sharon," he said. It was charming.
Kerry also had his struggles and we struggled in our relationship. Sometimes coaching him was like wrestling with a bear. At times, he would become so convinced that he was getting slower, not improving, doing it wrong etc... I would have to talk him back to a place where he saw himself as the rest of us did, successful, improving, not to mention constantly losing weight! Sometimes i could talk him back into a positive mindset and sometimes i could not.Over the last year, Kerry and i had more and more of these moments. I felt like i was constantly having to tell him that his glass was half full, that a positive mindset is the only way to achieve your goals and to make the seemingly impossible, possible. Increasingly, however, Kerry did not believe me.
I recall one particular email conversation we had that keeps replaying in my mind now that he is gone. At our camp in Victoria, Kerry left abruptly from our final dinner and did not say goodbye. We were all perplexed by his actions and i emailed to ask him where he had gone. He told me that one of his friends had died in a cycling accident and he had just received the news;
"I felt so down about it Sara. I didn't know what else to do."
"But Kerry, sometimes its important to put your feelings to one side for a moment, just to be polite. And sometimes sharing your feelings can help you feel better."
"I think i see what you are saying Sara, but in this case, I don't feel i had that choice. I was too upset, i had to go."
And so this conversation and so many more like it replay in my head since i found out he decided to leave us for good.
"But Kerry, you dont have to go this way. There are other options, we all care for you, we can help you.."
But one thing i know is that when Kerry gets a plan in his head he follows it through, just like he did when he lost 150lbs and just like he did when he trained and completed the Ironman. And so, in the end, whatever his final reason may be, Kerry decided to leave early. I will never know what went through his mind in those final days, and i will probably always wonder. I know that if we could talk one final time, the converstation would be the same. He would tell me that this was his only choice, and I would try desperately to convince him otherwise. As usual, I may or may not have succeeded in convincing him that things were better than they appeared.
Kerry left early and I will remember him always as the hard-working triathlete who got things done, laughed easily and charmed us with his ability to love freely.
I will miss you Kerry.
We will be holding a memorial for Kerry in Calgary in tangent with our triathlon team's charity event August 1st 2010 at 6pm. Details below:
From Humble Beginnings: How Ironman triathlon helped speaker Laura Dodds overcome the challenges of living with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
A charity event in support of individuals and families living with
...Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Includes: 3-course dinner, Silent Auction & After-party for Calgary Ironman 70.3!!
WILL ALSO INCLUDE A CELEBRATION OF THE LIFE OF KERRY ENICK.
Tickets only $50
All money raised will go to Calgary Fetal Alcohol Network “Empowerment Fund”
www.calgaryfasd.com
For tickets, volunteer opportunities, or to donate items, please email: saragross@yahoo.com or michellemilot@hotmail.com,
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